Entry 25: Jumbled Chaos

This isn’t the kind of shit I want to be in. I enter into a jumbled chaos and get too concerned about the outcome instead of the content of the words I have to say or the recipient. Each time I talk to people and school comes up, I think about how I should have been way ahead, I should be the smart guy who was capable to do things. And I’m like shit, because younger people are ahead of me in many ways. And I can’t make friends without ever feeling inferior or self-depreciating. I’ve fucking tried to be friends with people. I feel like neither gender would want to have me around. I get anxious about whether people think I’m a fraud, and yes I am a fraud.